Hey, That's MY Donut!
by PodSara And Flaming Moe
Summary: Selphie discovers a portal in her bathroom and 'accidentally' pushes her friends in. They find themselves in a strange new world where donuts and three eyed fish reign supreme. Simpsons crossover, response to a double dog dare.


**Hey, That's MY Donut!**

_A FFVIII/Simpsons Crossover_

_To Charlie.....may insanity prevail_

**Chapter 1**

_I'm Bart Simpson, Who the Hell Are You?_

Selphie Tilmitt sat up and opened her sleepy eyes. She yawned and pushed her tiny feet into a pair of pink fuzzy house slippers and stood up. She loved mornings. There was no better time of day. The air was full of that fresh, clean smell and the pure sunlight made rainbows everywhere as it glanced off the dew. Selphie loved rainbows. 

She entered the bathroom and switched on the light, intending to take a shower before she began her morning activities. 

Except, the shower wasn't there. In its place was a swirling vortex that emanated a neon green light. 

"Cool!" she exclaimed. "Wonder where it goes." 

She was tempted to enter it, but it was never wise to enter a vortex alone. She threw on her clothes and hurried out the door in search of someone to go along with her. She found Zell in the cafeteria, standing at the counter. The cafeteria was not yet serving breakfast and wouldn't begin for another half hour, and Selphie wondered why Zell was in such a hurry. 

"Zelly!" she said cheerfully, "Whatcha doin?" 

"I'm gonna get some hot dogs today," he said with a confident smirk. "There's no way they'll run out if I'm the first one here." 

"Um, Zell?" Selphie said, "I don't mean to bust your bubble, but they don't serve hot dogs for breakfast." 

Zell was crestfallen. "Oh, yeah." 

"So, that means your morning's free, right?" she chirped. 

"I guess," he sighed, then looked at her suspiciously. "Why?" 

"Well, um, I found something really cool in my bathroom," she said, excited to share the news. 

"Like what?" 

"A portal to another dimension," she said pride. 

Zell laughed and shook his head. "No offense, but you should really lay off the snickers bars. Too much sugar makes you hallucinate, you know." 

"I'm serious!" Selphie cried. 

Rinoa entered the cafeteria, flanked by Squall, who looked grumpier than usual. Squall had never been a morning person. "Serious about what?" Rinoa asked, hoping to hear the latest gossip. 

"Selphie thinks there's a _portal_ in her bathroom," Zell said and made twirled his finger around beside his head. 

"There _is_!" Selphie whined and punched Zell in the arm. 

"Owwwww," Zell complained and rubbed his wound. 

"Come look if you don't believe me," she challenged and stomped off, upset that her friends thought she was imagining things. There _had_ been a portal and she _wasn't_ hallucinating. She hadn't even _had_ a candy bar yet. 

The three remaining exchanged glances. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, they followed Selphie to her room.   
  
  


"I _told _you there was a vortex in my bathroom," Selphie chided Zell. She folded her arms across her chest and gave him her very best _I told you so_ look. 

"I thought you said it was a portal," Zell said and scratched his head. 

"Same difference," Selphie said with a shrug. 

Rinoa and Squall were strangely silent as they stared in awe at the swirling green portal to the unknown. 

"Wonder where it goes," Zell said and poked his finger at it. 

"Wanna find out?" Selphie said and bounced on her toes. "It might be fun." 

Zell looked at Selphie like she was nuts. Without warning, Selphie gave him a rough shove towards the swirling oddity and he fell head first into the mists of time. "Oops!" Selphie giggled and looked at her other two friends. "Looks like it's up to us to save him." 

Squall and Rinoa were aghast at Selphie's behavior. "I can't believe . . . you just did that," Squall said slowly and pressed his hand to his forehead. 

"C'mon!" Selphie said and grabbed Rinoa by the wrist. She tugged her friend forward and gave her a shove. Into the vortex Rinoa went. 

"Are you crazy!" Squall cried and lunged forward to try and rescue Rinoa, but it was too late. The raven haired girl disappeared into the green nexus. Selphie wasted no time giving Squall a push in the right direction. She placed her hands on his buttox and pushed . . . . and sluuuuurp, Squall was swallowed whole. 

"Looks like it's Selphie to the rescue!" the little elf cried and bounced on her toes.   
  
  
  
  


Bart Simpson was bored. He was supposed to be doing homework but homework was for losers. Instead he lay on his bed tossing a basketball in the air and hummed the theme song to his favorite cartoon to himself. 

After a few minutes, he grew tired of this and sat up, contemplating what he could do. It was then that he remembered the firecrackers he'd hidden in his closet. Maybe he and Milhouse could ride their bikes over to Principal Skinner's place and set them off on his porch. It was always a riot to watch the slightly shell-shocked Vietnam vet go racing from the house screaming about the 'gooks.' 

Bart opened his closet door and stared directly into a swirling green vortex. 

"Coooooooolllll," he breathed. This was infinitely better than watching Skinner relive his Vietnam days. 

Before he had a chance to step through, however, a body came flying out and landed with a hard thump. Bart jumped back in surprise and stared at the blonde spiky haired teen ager lying on his bedroom floor. The young man sat up and looked around him. "The hell . . . ." 

"Cool tattoo!" Bart said. 

"Wha....where am I?" the teenager said. He looked up at Bart, his expression one of utter confusion. "Who are you?" 

"I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?" 

Before the spiky haired teen could answer, another body came flying out of the vortex and sprawled unceremoniously on the floor. A second followed behind this one. "Awesome!" Bart cried. 

There was a third, then the vortex vanished. 

The three people sat up, looking slightly dazed. They all sat up and looked around. There was a moment of silence, then the spiky haired guy, the girl with the longer hair and the young man in the leather coat lunged for the green eyed girl who'd came last. She got to her feet and skirted away, in fear for her life. 

"Selphie I'm going to kill you!" the leather coat guy screamed at the girl and withdrew a weird looking sword from out of thin air. 

"Woah!" Bart said. "How did you do that?" 

The leather coat guy paused and stared down at Bart. "Do what?" 

"Pull your sword out of the air like that?" 

"I never really thought about it?" 

"Can I touch it?" 

"Touch what?" 

"Your sword." 

"No." 

"Can I hold it?" 

"No" 

"Please?" 

"No."   


"Please?" 

"NO." 

"Please, please, please?" 

"NO!" the four teens shouted in unison. 

There was a long uncomfortable moment, then the guy with the sword said, "Zell, dare I say this kid is more annoying than you." 

"Hey, I take offense at that," Zell replied. "Anyway, I don't see the harm in letting the kid touch it anyway." 

"Yeah, I just wanted to see it," Bart pouted and crossed his arms. _"Stupid leather jacket guy . . . won't let me touch his sword . . . see if I show him my collection of crusty dolls . . . ." _he muttered under his breath. 

The girl with the long hair looked around the room and said, "Where are we, anyway?" 

"Springfield, ma'am," Bart said, perking up. "Home of Blinky, the three eyed fish." 

The teens exchanged glances. 

"I was just on my way to blow some stuff up, you wanna come?" Bart asked the bewildered crew. 

"Booyaka!" the one called Selphie cried and pumped her fist in the air. "Let's go!"   
  
  
  
  


Zell watched the pair climb out the window. They were loaded down with enough fireworks to wake the dead. Already, Selphie was off on some quest to blow stuff up. Zell was still unable to process what had just happened. He'd been sucked into a vortex, no, _pushed_ into a vortex and he was now in some bizarre cartoon world where the only person he knew was a smart mouthed eight year old named Bart Simpson. 

"I can't believe this . . ." Rinoa muttered, looking around. "How do we get back?" 

Zell shook his head. "I don't know. The portal closed." 

There was a knock at the door and the three SeeDs froze. They glanced at one another unsure of what to do. When there was no answer, the door swung open and a tall woman with even taller hair in the most vivid shade of blue Zell had ever seen entered and looked around with surprise. "Bart, is everything all right?" the woman said in a gravely voice. 

"You looking for a kid about yea high with spiky hair and an attitude?" Zell asked. 

"That's my boy," the woman said. "I wasn't aware we had visitors . . . " 

"I'm sorry to intrude," Rinoa began. 

"No, no. It's no problem. Come down stairs and I'll make you something to eat. I wish my little Barty had told me he was having friends over," the gravely voiced woman said, beckoning for them to follow. "I'm Marge, Bart's mother." 

"Nice to meet you Marge," Rinoa said, ever the diplomat. "This is Squall and Zell." 

"Mmmmmmm....nice to meet you," Marge said. "Do you kids like donuts? My husband Homer keeps a supply of them in the fridge." 

Again, the three glanced at one another. None of them had any idea what a donut was. "Uh, sure," Rinoa replied, looking very unsure about her answer. 

Marge lead them to a kitchen and invited them to sit down at the table. The three sat, glancing about them as Marge removed a large, flat box from the refrigerator and placed it on the table. "Help yourselves." 

Each took a donut and carefully inspected the strange food. Rinoa's was round and flat with chocolate icing on one side. Squall's was also round and flat with a clear glaze. Zell held his up and peered at Marge through the hole in the middle. "Something's wrong with this one," he said, looking at it curiously. 

"Those are my favorite," Marge said. 

Zell took a bite. It was the most delicious thing he'd ever eaten in his life. This donut thing was even better than his precious hotdogs with mustard and relish and chili on top. "Mmmmmm," he moaned as he polished off the treat. 

"Maaarrge!" came a man's voice from the adjourning living room. "Bring me another beer!" 

"I'm busy Homie," Marge called back. "And you know Doctor Hibbard said that you're supposed to get some exercise." 

"Ooooonnnnhhhh," the man whined, presumably 'Homie.' "But the_ Fat Women of Wrestling_ is on!" 

"Get a move on, lazy bones," Marge called to him and then chuckled at her own joke. 

The man entered the kitchen and made for the fridge, not even paying attention to the three teenagers sitting at the table. The three watched him in silence as he opened the door and removed a beer. Zell was treated to a nice view of the man's rear end, crack and all. 

He turned around and glanced at the crew at the table, then his eyes narrowed. "Haaaayyyyy," he whined at Marge, "those are _my_ donuts."   
  
  
  
  


======   
Notes   
====== 

How could I resist a double dog dare? Hope you like it, buddy. It is the product of insomnia, too much coffee and overexposure to the Simpsons Season 2 DVD. You've totally corrupted me and I am now officially as insane as you are. *hangs head in shame* I triple dog dare you to write the next chapter, love. If you do a good job, I'll buy you a three eyed fish of your very own.   
  


_NOTE>>>>Sorry for the repost. This story has become a joint effort......look out for the next chapter, authored by Moe himself_


End file.
